


everybody hurts

by everyones_gay_noone_dies



Category: Black Panther (2018), Captain America (Movies), Guardians of the Galaxy (Movies), Iron Man (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe, Spider-Man: Homecoming (2017), The Avengers (Marvel Movies), Thor (Movies)
Genre: Angst, Avengers: Infinity War Part 1 (Movie) Spoilers, Everyone Needs A Hug, F/M, Fix-It, Gen, Grief/Mourning, Minor Gamora/Peter Quill, POV Multiple, POV Third Person Limited, Post-Avengers: Infinity War Part 1 (Movie), but that's just because i haven't found a way to bring him back yet, everyone collectively adopts peter parker as their son, except maybe pietro, i'm really bad at chapter fics so we'll see how this goes, my soul hurts so i wrote this, oh god so much angst, the title is everybody hurts what did you expect, you fool no one actually dies in marvel
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-05-06
Updated: 2018-05-18
Packaged: 2019-05-02 18:19:22
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 3
Words: 7,574
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14550549
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/everyones_gay_noone_dies/pseuds/everyones_gay_noone_dies
Summary: **infinity war spoilers, do not read if you have not seen infinity war and don't want to be spoiled**The living struggle to move forward after losing all hope (and many people that they love). Though it may seem impossible, they know what they need to do: take down Thanos.Meanwhile, the dead have their own plans.yes the title is a R.E.M. tribute fight me





	1. everybody lost somebody

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Everyone struggles with their respective losses and Shuri focuses on the problems she can actually fix.

**CHAPTER 1 - EVERYBODY LOST SOMEBODY**

_♪ I know that I’m lost_  
_Lost in a world without you ♪  
_ -Bleachers

 

**SHURI’S POV**

 

When half of the people surrounding her crumbled to nothing, Shuri knew something was horribly wrong. On the plus side, at least no one was fighting anymore. She ran towards the battlefield looking for answers. She came upon the group - the Avengers and friends - looking heartbroken and lost. The god-man comforted the talking raccoon. Steve stood aloof; Bucky was nowhere to be found. She saw Okoye and hurried to her.

“What just happened? All those people just… just… disappeared! Crumbled into ash!”

“I'm glad to see you're alright.”

“Answer me! Where's…” and suddenly she realized. “Okoye, where's T’Challa?”

Okoye hesitated, looking away. “He’s gone,” she told her. Her voice was clear and cold and outlined in pain. “Thanos stole the last infinity stone. He wiped out half of the universe.”

T’Challa… it was hard to imagine him truly being gone. She’d watched him die before, but in some ways, that made it worse. As if because death didn’t stick last time, perhaps it wouldn’t this time, either. It seemed cruel of the universe to murder their father, to push T’Challa into the role of King, to beat him and belittle him, to lead him to reclaiming his country and creating the most change the land had seen in _centuries_ , only to dissolve him into bits at the will of some alien _beast._ It just wasn’t fair. It couldn’t be true. It couldn’t.

She sunk to her knees. Her mind was spiraling. Half of her nation was wiped from the universe. Including her _brother_ . Their _leader_ . The _Black Panther_. The last Black Panther, because she still had not figured out how to re-cultivate the magical herb that created the enhanced warrior. She’d never felt so hopeless, not even when Killmonger reigned.

Her heart twisted in her chest, but there were no tears. She felt so broken that tears were no longer required. She knew that in a moment, she’d need to rise and put on a brave face for her mother and her country. She knew that, until the tribes have battled for their next king, most of T’Challa’s responsibilities would fall onto her and her mother. Okoye could spearhead things, sure, but they would need to be the ones to face the people. To try to give them hope in all of this mourning, even if there was no hope left inside of them.

She closed her eyes and took a deep breath, and when she opened them, she saw a flash of metal through the thickets. Vision. She stood and Okoye started to say her name, but she darted forward. She saw him lying cold and lifeless on the ground, frayed wires poking out of his forehead. She approached the lost-looking Avengers and hurriedly ordered, “God-man, Mr. America, one of you, pick up Vision and follow me.”

Neither of them moved. Mr. America blinked. “You think you can save him?”

She looked him in the eyes. “If anyone can fix him, it's me. Now pick him up and follow me.”

He did as she asked. “You can just call me Steve, you know.”

“Right, Steve.” In any other circumstance, she would have smirked. She was on a first-name basis with America’s favorite superhero. But in this moment, all she could feel was the weight of her brother’s absence.

* * *

 

A couple of hours later, the remaining Avengers and co, along with Okoye, M’Baku, and other Wakandan leaders, convened in Shuri’s old lab, partially because it was one of the only places unscathed from Thanos’ destruction and partially because Shuri refused to leave Vision, and they deemed her necessary to this conversation. She didn’t know if it was because she could manipulate Wakandan tech better than anyone else on the planet or if it was because she was the only living member of the Golden tribe, but she didn’t care all that much anymore.

As soon as Shuri had left the battlefield with Vision, Okoye had taken charge of cataloging the dead, and it wasn’t long until she was in Shuri’s lab to give her the news. Her mother was gone. She’d figured as much when she didn’t show up herself. As a response, she just buried herself further into Vision’s tech. She was unsure if that was a healthy response to grief, but she didn’t know what would happen if she stopped. She felt so alone, so useless, but this was something she could do. This was a problem she could fix.

So here they stood in Shuri’s lab, despite her not caring much for the conversation. It’s not that she didn’t want to take down Thanos and prevent any further destruction; she wanted it so desperately that whenever she allowed herself to think about, blind rage and despair burned through her veins. Thanos took her _family_. But these kinds of discussions were always T’Challa’s thing.

“I’ll hit him with my ax again,” the god-man - Thor, she’d learned - said.

“No offense, pal, but that worked so great the first time,” the talking raccoon called Rocket bit back.

Thor crossed his arms. “I told you, I think if I get him in the head, it’ll really do it.”

Mr. Amer - Steve stepped in. “That sounds like a decent plan, but first we need to strategize how to get the gauntlet off of Thanos’ hand. If we can disarm him, we can defeat him.”

“We also need to find a way to destroy the stones,” Dr. Banner added.

“That will be easier once I’m finished with Vision,” Shuri interjected. “Even if he’s no longer connected to the mind stone, he understands it better than anyone else.”

“There’s no guarantee that if you bring Vision back, he’ll still have all of the memories of his connection with the mind stone. And he’s always maintained that Wanda was the only one with the power to destroy a stone,” he lamented.

“Clearly, thanks to the stones’ wonderful self-preservation techniques, that is no longer an option. There has to be another way. Something we can create.” She sighed, “All I’m saying is that you can put that on the backburner, at least until Vision is back. Or you pull Tony Stark from outer space.”

“I can pull Tony Stark from outer space,” Rocket offered, but no one seemed to notice.

They returned to arguing Thanos strategies, and Shuri tuned most of it out. It was easier to work that way. Eventually, they must have come to enough of a conclusion, because people started to file out.

“Wait, Dr. Banner!” she called. “I need your help with something.”

“You can call me Bruce, if you want. Or just Banner,” he told her. He looked at what she had been working on with Vision. “What do you need?”

“Oh, no, it’s not Vision,” she said, hurriedly saving and shutting down what she had been working on. “Follow me.” She led him into a smaller, empty lab adjacent to the one where everyone had gathered. “You’re a scientist, correct?”

He looked at her incredulously. “I have seven PhDs in radiophysics, biochemistry, nuclear-”

“So, yes. Good. Great.” She pulled up some files. “I’m going to share some information with you, and I trust you won’t go spreading it.” He nodded. “T’Challa… his powers were from a special herb native to Wakanda that grew because of the Vibranium buried deep within the Earth. It is tradition that each of our kings and his heir possess these powers. But all of our remaining plants were burned several months ago. There is none left. Now that-” She hesitated, the words getting caught in her throat. “Without a Black Panther, my country is vulnerable. I’d been working on trying to recreate the plant, or at least a serum, but I’m afraid this is not my area of expertise. All we have left now is some basic scans of the original plant and some blood samples from T’Challa.”

Banner took a long look at the files she had pulled up before responding. “I’m afraid none of my PhDs are in botany, but I’ll see what I can do.”

Shuri sighed a breath of relief. Having no way of creating another Black Panther was just one of many, many problems on her to-do list. She pulled out another device and handed it to him. “This has all of the information we have on it, along with comms installed. You have full access to all of our labs and resources. Let me know if you have any-” she was interrupted by an alert on her wrist. “Shit,” she whispered as she pulled it up. “Shit, shit, shit. There’s a ship headed straight towards Wakanda.”

She ran out of the side lab. Her country could not withstand another attack. Enough people had died. No one needed to finish them off. She informed Okoye and the others, and they hurried outside to see what was coming.

As it got closer, they could see it - just a gently-beaten, dust-encrusted, lone ship. Suddenly, Rocket started shouting. “That’s my ship! That’s my ship! Those- Those are the guardians! It’s okay! That’s my ship!” His voice was gleefully, and he was laughing. It was rather freeing to see someone else happy rather than devastated, even if that same joy was out of reach for Shuri herself.

They hurried towards the edge of the forcefield where the ship was landing. When they arrived, Rocket was still excitedly babbling. It must have been weighing on him, being alone on a strange, new planet with the only person he knew dead. A door descended, but only two people stood behind it. A beaten and bloodied Tony Stark stumbled out, grasping at a wound on his side, and a blue woman followed him, utter devastation written across both of their faces. The woman intrigued her, though. Each movement was mechanical: she was a cyborg, definitely, if not a robot. Forgetting the alarming circumstances of their arrival, Shuri almost stepped forward in curiosity, but Rocket emerged first from the crowd.

“Nebula? What are you doing here? Who is this guy? Where is everyone?”

The blue woman - Nebula, presumably - cast her dark eyes down. Mr. Stark was the one who responded. “They’re gone. They’re all gone.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I still can’t believe I traveled 2 hours, waited in line for over another, and then paid 70MAD just to watch all of my faves get dusted in Imax 3D, yet here we are. 
> 
> I don't usually post my writing, so we'll see how this goes! I’ve got three more chapters partially written so yeah drop those kudos and comments if you want me to post more! 
> 
> Fair warning: I'm not sure how much more (if any) will be in Shuri's POV. I missed my gal and I felt like this chapter could lend itself to her perspective. Like I said, I have about three more chapters planned but honestly everything is so complex and I'm bouncing around so many ideas that I'm still not entirely sure how this is going to go. 
> 
> Because I'm Trash all of the titles are after songs so yeah as a 'preview' the next title is (Don't Fear) The Reaper. 
> 
> Huge shoutout to the MCU wikia for reminding me of all the lore I cbf to remember. Even huger shoutout to tumblr user woodstockbrb for editing and also just in general for existing.
> 
> Catch me on tumblr @bigertyorkes


	2. (don't fear) the reaper

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Everyone's pretty stressed that they're dead.

**CHAPTER 2 - (DON’T FEAR) THE REAPER**

_ ♪ All our times have come _ _   
_ _ Here but now they're gone ♪ _ _   
_ __ -Blue Oyster Cult

 

**GAMORA’S POV**

 

She stood in an orange plain, completely alone. She did not realize the afterlife would be filled with such solitude. She didn't know how much time passed before someone else appeared. Thanos. 

He approached and she suddenly felt small. He must have been seeing her as a child. It was the version of her spirit he most cherished. It made her stomach twist in disgust. None of these were the memories  _ she _ treasured. 

“Did you do it?” she asked. 

“Yes.” 

“What did it cost you?” 

“Everything.” 

It made her angry. She should not be his everything. He hurt her. He made her life miserable. She would have chosen starving to death in her mother’s arms a million times over if it meant that Thanos did not exist. It was unfair that she could mean so much to him. It felt like a  _ violation _ . She lent him no pity. 

As soon as he disappeared, she felt the world expanding around her. To her eyes, nothing shifted, but her eyes didn't function the same here. She could sense the homes rising from the ground, the cities, the countryside... all to prepare for the influx of trillions of lost souls. And there was nothing she could do to stop it. All of those people were about to die, and she could do nothing but wait for it. 

When she felt the first few million souls apparate, she closed her eyes. She reached with her mind and searched and searched an- There. Mantis. Drax. And,  _ oh, no _ . Peter. 

She concentrated her energy on manipulating her surroundings to where they were. She felt the world shifting around her and opened her eyes to a peach blur surrounding her. The atmosphere settled around her to reveal a forest, and she could see her friends arguing with an annoyed man and a kid in a red and blue suit. Or, more like, Quill argued with a teenager while Drax and Mantis watched, confused and some man stood aloof, disinterested. No one noticed her entrance.

“I almost had the gauntlet! We almost had it! It was your plan! But then you went off on Thanos, and you know what? Fine. I get it. You were responding to grief. He killed someone you loved. But maybe next time, you can wait until  _ after _ we get the magic glove that holds the fate of the universe off his hand,” the teenager argued. She didn’t even want to think about the pain Quill must have been feeling when he lashed out at Thanos.

“Now, now, boys. I saw fourteen million iterations of the future, and in all of them where you and Stark stole the gauntlet, all Thanos did was take it back and kill you both outright,” the man stated lazily. “Don’t you think if Star-lord’s little meltdown was at all detrimental to the universe, I would have just reversed time to fix it?” 

Seeing them standing there, her heart broke. Mantis stood with an air of naivety, as she usually did in the realm of the living. Gamora regretted that over the past few years she did little more than tolerate the girl out of paralyzing fear of her breaking through Gamora's carefully built barriers. She'd barely had a chance to be free from the prison she was raised in, and now she was trapped in Gamora's for eternity. 

Drax had lost so much. She didn't know where other slaughtered souls went, if anywhere, but she knew his family would not be here. She doubted that, even with assorted members of their own found-family, he would ever be able to truly find peace here. 

And Quill. Peter. Her feelings around him were too much to process. She'd wanted more time with him, but not like this. Never like this.

She cleared her throat and stepped forward.

"Gamora," Peter said softly. She looked at him, but neither moved or spoke another word. As if they were to blink, this whole reality could disappear. 

"You’re alive!" Drax exclaimed. 

She broke her staring contest with Quill. "No, actually. We’re all dead. Right now, we're inside the soul stone. I didn't know that whoever the gauntlet killed would be absorbed by it, but it makes sense." 

Drax took a step back, looking thoroughly more confused than when she first got here. "Whoa." 

"It's nice to see you, Gamora," Mantis offered. 

"You, too, Mantis." She turned away from the group. "Groot's here, too, I think. It's weird, it's like... I can feel his aura. It's how I knew to come here." 

"Poor Rocket," Mantis lamented. 

"The galaxy is pretty screwed if Rocket's the only one defending it," Quill quipped.

Drax burst out laughing. “Rocket and Nebula!” 

Gamora's eyes widened. "Nebula? You saw Nebula?" 

The teenager she didn't know jumped in. "That blue lady? Yeah, she was still on Titan when we all... You know. It was pretty cool, actually, she flew a ship right into Thanos. I mean, not that it did anything. It was just pretty badass. I'm Peter," he rambled, offering his hand, “Peter Parker.” 

“Gamora,” she said. She glanced at her teammates, wondering how exactly they got stuck with some kid from Earth. 

“Sorry to interrupt, but you seem to have some idea what’s going on, and I was just wondering where  _ exactly _ we are? I mean if I have friends back on Earth who…” his voice trailed off, not wanting to finish that thought. 

Gamora shook her head. “I’m sorry. I’m new to this, too.” 

“Hey, why don’t we find Groot, and then we can work on getting you back to your friends?” Quill suggested. 

“Okay, sure,” Parker shrugged. He looked guilty. “I’m sorry for snapping at you before. I’m just a little stressed out.” 

“Don’t worry about it. We all are.” 

Parker turned to the annoyed man. “Hey, Doc, you coming?” 

The man did not respond for a moment. “Call me anything other than Dr. Strange again, and I will ensure you regret it. But yes, I guess I’ll join you.” 

With everyone’s consensus, Gamora braced herself to manipulate their collective location. “We’re coming for you, Groot,” she whispered softly before warping all of their realities. 

* * *

 

When the atmosphere settled, they were in a clearing in another forest. 

A man with a metal arm, another with metal wings, and a third in a catsuit were glaring at each other as they discussed something, probably related to their recent departure from life. A woman dressed to look like she was important tapped on the shoulder of the man in the catsuit. “Son, we have visitors,” she said cautiously. 

A woman with red hair knelt on the ground. Her face was pale and nearly lifeless; her fingers dug into the dirt. A large number of the warriors bustling through the woodland paths behind her froze when they saw everyone’s arrival, but this woman did not even flinch. 

Groot stood when he saw them. “I am Groot!” he exclaimed. 

Gamora rolled her eyes. “Yeah, yeah. We missed you, too.” 

“Hey, these are some of the people I was looking for,” Parker said suddenly. 

The man with metal wings stepped towards them. “Wait, your Tony’s kid, right?” 

“I think  _ mentee _ is a better word for it, but-” 

“What are you doing?” the red-headed woman asked, distracting them from the conversation. Mantis was leaning over her, her hand on her shoulders. 

“You looked sad. I am an empath.” Mantis withdrew her hand. “I don’t think my powers are working. I am sorry.” 

“Normal powers don’t work in the soul stone,” Gamora said. 

“Wait, we’re-” the scraggly-looking guy with a metal arm started, but the redhead interrupted him. 

“Mine do,” she said staring at her hands which now had red light emanating from them. She balled her fists tight, but light poked out from beneath her fingers. “You should keep your distance,” she told Mantis with a choked voice. Her hands were shaking. Mantis took a step back. 

“Hey, hey, Wanda, it’s oka-” Wings started. 

“No!” Wanda growled, standing. “Don’t try to tell me it’s okay.  _ Don’t _ . I killed him, Sam. I  _ loved _ him and I  _ killed  _ him. And Thanos brought him back, only to kill him again.  _ Don’t _ tell me it’s okay.  _ Nothing _ is okay!” Anger burned through her face and her voice, and for a moment it looked like she was about to break something, until her face fell and the red glow disappeared from her hands. “Oh… Oh, god. We’re all dead.” 

She fell back to her knees, and Mantis went back to her and wrapped her arms around her. “I’m sorry I can’t use my powers to make you feel better, but in the films Peter showed me, this is how humans made each other feel better.” Wanda leaned into Mantis’ chest, accepting the hug. 

“Wanda got her powers from the mind stone,” Wings - Sam - explained. “So maybe that's why she still has powers here.” 

“Sorry to backtrack, but did you say we're  _ in _ the soul stone?” Metal Arm continued. “So, what? Are we just trapped here?” 

“Considering I was the only one capable of destroying an infinity stone. Yeah, we’re probably stuck here, and the whole universe is pretty screwed,” Wanda answered. She was still sitting on the ground in Mantis’ arms. 

“Actually,” Gamora said slowly. “From the lore that I read when I found the location of the soul stone, one person - or, more specifically, the power of one infinity stone - isn't enough to destroy one permanently. You need all of them. It's all or nothing.” She paused for a moment. “I guess that's the twist- the person able to use the soul stone's power was always going to be locked inside of it.” 

“So, what?” Catsuit jumped in. “You're saying that all of this, it was futile, from the beginning?” 

Suddenly, Dr. Strange was standing in between all of them, despite nobody seeing him move. 

“Hey, how did he get there?” Drax asked, and for the first time, he was not the only one confused. 

“I walked,” said Strange nonchalantly. “Of course, I froze time while I did it. I was testing a theory.”

“Care to elaborate?” Gamora asked. 

Strange smirked. “Well, you're tied to the soul stone. Wanda is tied to the mind stone. I was the last person to possess the time stone before Thanos stole it. Perhaps all of the people meant to destroy the infinity stones are trapped here, too.” 

Gamora pondered it for a moment. “Okay, so that would mean we have the soul stone, the time stone, and the mind stone. I can… manipulate souls, you can manipulate time, and she can manipulate… things with her mind? So we should be looking for people with powers relating to power, space, and reality.” 

“I held the power stone once,” Quill stated smugly. 

“No, that was me!” whined Drax. 

“We all  _ helped _ , Drax,” Gamora corrected. 

Strange rolled his eyes. “Not possible.” 

“I’m half-celestial,” Quill stated somehow even more smugly. 

“Okay, possible,” the time-manipulator amended. “Have you got any special abilities?”

Quill opened his mouth to speak but came up short. “I can do a pretty good cartwheel.” 

“No, he can’t,” Mantis confessed. 

Catsuit stepped forward. “Even if you were to find these three others connected to the infinity stones, what would happen? What would you do? And if you could destroy the stones from in here, what would that mean for us?” 

Gamora paused. “I don’t know. Maybe your souls will be released back into life. Maybe all of us will be permanently erased from all existence. There’s no guide to any of this, but we need to at least try to destroy the infinity stones if we can. It’s the only way to stop any further destruction. Don’t you think Thanos will just do the same thing again once the universe repopulates itself and the drain on resources comes back?” 

“Wait-” Parker interrupted in disbelief. “I’m sorry, but  _ that _ ’s what this is all about?  _ Overpopulation _ ? Are you joking? Why not, instead of mass genocide, just create a billion cheeseburgers or something? Why not just make infinite food and water sources and shelter and whatever else the universe needs? I mean, really, I can only speak for Earth, but there’s already a billion things we can do to combat problems from overpopulation without divine intervention or, in general,  _ anyone dying _ ? Reducing food waste from massive corporations? Using cleaner energy sources? Building infrastructure so that people have access to safe drinking water?  _ Are you kidding me? This _ was his solution?” His face twisted in frustration. 

The fancy-looking woman tapped Catsuit on the shoulder. “What’s that thing Shuri would say? About the tea?” 

“Ah, yes,” Catsuit said. “The tea is cold.” 

Parker looked offended. “What? Why would the tea be cold? This tea is  _ scald- _ You know what? It doesn’t matter. Forget it, I’m just stressed.” 

“We all are,” Wanda assured him, but at a loss as to what ‘the tea’ meant, she backtracked. “So, genocide, bad. How are we going to find these people to destroy the stones?” 

Gamora sighed. “Ask around? I honestly have no idea, but if no other powers work here, word of people able to bend power, space, and reality would get around pretty quickly.” 

“We can use my army to cover more ground,” Catsuit suggested. “Break everyone into groups of three or four.” 

“That sounds the most efficient,” she affirmed. 

“I will discuss the matter at hand with them, and we will reconvene in a half an hour.” With that, Catsuit and his mother left to gather the scattered warriors. 

Mantis still hovered over Wanda, despite Drax trying to coax her into giving the woman a bit of space. 

“Can we talk?” Quill asked. “Alone?” 

She froze for a moment, but then led him into the woods, a safe distance from the others. 

“Are you mad at me? It kind of feels like you’re mad at me,” he confessed.

She gave him a look of disbelief. “What? Why would I be mad?” 

He shrugged and looked at his feet. “For not… For not doing what you wanted me to.”  _ For not killing her. _ “For losing it on Thanos when we were trying to get the gauntlet.” 

She cupped a hand around his face and met his gaze. “What happened on Knowhere wasn’t your fault, Peter. And for the record, I am so, so proud of you,” she said, her voice breaking into a whisper. “I wasn’t thrilled to hear that you potentially doomed the universe because you were pissed, but…” She paused. “But I also know that you wouldn’t be you if you responded logically to…” Her voice trailed off. She couldn’t say it. She felt his arms wrap around her, pulling her closer. “I’m not mad at you, I’m just… overwhelmed. We’re dead. We’re  _ dead _ \- you and me and Drax and Groot and Mantis… What was all of that even for? Everyone we fought, everything with Ronan, with your father… what was it for? The galaxy is in pieces anyways.  _ We’re _ in pieces anyways. All of this crap we’ve been through, all of this pain, all of this loss… And I’m just angry at the universe because, honestly, what the-” She bit her tongue before she finished her thought.

“Come on, you can say it,” he teased, but she shook her head in protest. “Say it. Come on.” 

“Stop it. I’m not gonna say it.” 

“Come on, I think if any situation warrants Gamora cussing, it’s the end of the world. It’s okay, the kids aren’t around.” 

She sighed and leaned into his chest. “What the  _ fuck _ , Peter?” And, for the first time in a very long time, she let herself cry. He held her tighter, and it sounded like he was crying, too. Their cries softened until they were just left holding each other. 

The sound of trees falling broke them apart. They could hear what sounded like war cries in the distance. “What’s happening?” Quill asked. 

“It sounds like rioting,” Gamora said, closing her eyes and reaching into the world around her. “I- I think something’s wrong. I don’t think the soul stone is meant to contain this many people at once.” She started back towards the clearing. “We need to get out of here  _ now _ .” 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hi welcome to my life where i can spend literally five hours sitting in bed dissociating and imagining this to the minutiae but i cant,,, fking,, write,,,,,,
> 
> anyways i hope i did this okay. i’m pissed as heck that marvel fridged one of their only female characters, played by a black woman, no less. but they’ve never been all that kind to gamora. she deserves so much better than the shit plots she’s been getting since 2014. all them dudes at marvel need some heavy doses of respect women juice. 
> 
> if you enjoyed, please drop some comments or kudos because i have a constant need for validation thanks
> 
> again, huge shoutout to the MCU wikia for telling me all of the shit i can't remember and even huger shoutout to tumblr user woodstockbrb for being a wonderful human being 
> 
> find me on tumblr @bigertyorkes


	3. living is a problem because everything dies

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tony returns to Earth. 
> 
> Warning: this chapter is long and dialogue-y

**CHAPTER 3 - LIVING IS A PROBLEM BECAUSE EVERYTHING DIES**  
  
_♪ Everywhere I look someone dies_  
_Wonder when it's my turn ♪_  
-Biffy Clyro

 

**TONY’S POV**

 

“We need to get off of this planet,” a voice called from behind him. It was cold, but pained. She was hurting, too.

He didn’t know how he was supposed to do that. He didn’t know how to do anything. He failed him. His- Peter Parker. He failed Peter Parker. He couldn’t help him, couldn’t save him. What was he supposed to do? Go back to Earth to learn which of his friends were dead? And Pepper- God, the idea of her being gone was enough for him to want to rot in this wasteland in ignorance. He knew he couldn’t. He knew what Strange had meant. This was the only way. There was still a chance. There had to be a way they could win.

He closed his fist around what was left of Peter Benjamin Parker, friendly neighborhood Spiderman, and stood. He wouldn’t allow these deaths to be in vain.

“How is your ship?” he asked. Nebula looked down.

“Damaged, extensively. I- I didn’t exactly nail the landing. I don’t think I was expecting to be leave this planet alive,” she confessed. “I found the guardians’ ship, however. It was damaged in the battle, but we may be able to salvage it.”

“I can fix it.” He hadn't seen it yet, but if he could create Iron Man out of next to nothing in the middle of a desert, he could use some broken ships to get himself back to Earth. “My suit, too, hopefully. Do you know anything about engineering?”

“A bit. Most of my experience is with cybernetics.” Cyborg, right.

“That’s good,” he sighed. “I don’t know anything about the alien tech we’re dealing with, but I’m pretty good at building things out of nothing.”

He got to work, with Nebula retrieving parts from her broken ship and explaining mechanisms he hadn’t seen before.

“Starlord and his cronies, were they your friends?” he asked at last, trying to dissipate some of the painful silence that filled the atmosphere.

Her eyes narrowed. “I- I don't know if they’d consider me a friend. Gamora’s my-” her breath caught, and she corrected herself. “She was my sister. Adoptive daughters of Thanos, both of us. I’m afraid… I’m afraid I’ve made a lot of mistakes. I don’t deserve to stand here while her body rots, while they're just... dust.”

“If death only took those who deserved it, the universe would be a much different place.” He’d be gone, without a doubt, but not Peter. Peter, who only ever wanted to look out for the little guy. Peter, who, in the face of becoming a superhero, chose keeping the neighborhood he grew up in safe.

“I don’t know what I’m doing,” she admitted. Her voice wavered. “I don’t usually admit that to people, but now… It feels like I have nothing left. I dedicated all my freedom to getting revenge, and all it got me was kidnapped and tortured until my sister came and sacrificed her life for mine and then everyone in the galaxy I maybe sort of cared about got wiped from existence. I’m a failure.” She sucked in a breath and straightened her posture. She hardened her tone. “Make no mistake, though. I will not hesitate to kill you if you repeat that to anyone.”

Tony sighed. There was a lot he needed to get off his chest, too. He’d cried in front of her for about an hour, though, so he figured that was enough for one afternoon. “Once I finish with the ship, I’m going back to Earth. I’m going to rally whoever’s left, and we’re going to take down Thanos. I’m not going to stop until that purple bastard pays for what he’s done, even if it kills me. Once I get back, you could take the ship wherever you want, but you’re welcome to stay and fight.”

“I don’t work well with teams.”

“Well, there’s your problem. You can’t take down someone like Thanos by yourself. You’ll never win. Like I said, it’s up to you. Do whatever you want. But for what it’s worth, you know far more than any of us would about Thanos. I think you’d be a great asset.”

“You actually think you can do it?”

“I know we can.”

…

As Tony descended the ship towards Earth, he felt his heart tugging him towards New York. But he’d incorporated parts of his suit’s tech into the ship’s damaged mainframe to make it easier to navigate, and he knew that the energy signatures over Wakanda were ten times larger than the ones over New York. He knew Wakanda had been infiltrated, and that’s where he was needed, even if his comms were broken.

He descended towards the trees and landed just outside of Wakanda’s force fields. As they disembarked from the ship, a small crowd was waiting for them. A talking raccoon bellowed in excitement, and Wakandan warriors stood defensively, preparing to attack. On the ground, the raccoon burst forward. “Nebula? What are you doing here? Who is this guy? Where is everyone?” it demanded.

“They’re gone. They’re all gone,” she told him. Tony didn’t think it was possible for a raccoon to express emotions before that afternoon, but its features fell in a way that Tony knew it - he? - had just lost everything.

With a quick word from the young girl he recognized as Princess Shuri, the warriors pulled back their weapons. She stepped forward and offered them a charismatic welcome. He wondered why she was the one greeting them. He saw the glint of curiosity in her eyes as she took a step towards Nebula, and he was about to warn her when he saw Steve. He looked just as heartbroken as the rest of them.

“Hey, bud. It’s been a while,” he said, and the world fell from under him.

…

When he woke up, he was lying on a lab table. A glance to the side revealed Vision’s body, pale and lifeless. He tried to sit up, but shooting pains from his abdomen stopped him.

“Hey, I’m not finished!” the princess of Wakanda scolded. “Lie still, and you’ll be good as new in a couple of hours. Maybe in time for when your fiance arrives.”

“Pepper? She’s okay?”

“Mrs. Potts is flying to Wakanda as we speak.” She forced a smile and went back to his wound.

Tony felt relief creep over his body. Peter may be gone, but Pepper is okay. That’s good. “Vision…” He looked back over to the body. He’d figured Vis was as good as dead when he watched five people disintegrate before him, but seeing him on a lab table, he wondered…

“I’m fixing him,” she stated curtly.

“Ah, well, miss… Princess-” She flinched at the title.

“Shuri,” she corrected. “Just Shuri.”

“Well, Just Shuri,” he started, and he watched her tense exterior soften a bit. He felt a piece of soul crumble as he remembered what Peter had called it - a dad joke. God, he missed that kid… “I created Vision.” She seemed unimpressed. “You actually think you can fix him without the mind stone?”

“Well, it would have been easier if you’d have wired him to function independent of the mind stone in the first place, or if he had come to me sooner, but yes.”

Tony tilted his head. “How old are you, kid?”

“Sixteen.” Sixteen… Same as Peter. Damn, she was young. She shouldn’t be so wrapped up in this mess. Peter shouldn’t have been, either, but he figured neither had much of a choice.

“What was on your wound?”

Tony blinked. “What?”

“The… The fluid that was on your wound when you got here. I scanned it, and the structure is a bit like that of a spider web. It’s incredible. You never would have survived this long with a wound like yours without it. I’d like to recreate it.”

Tony’s face fell. He remembered the night Peter had finally confessed to him what had happened to his uncle. How badly he had hated himself for not being able to save him. How terribly he’d wished that he had been in Ben’s place because he knew that his radioactive-spider blood would have saved him. In Peter’s mourning, Tony had an idea: what if he _could_ use his powers to heal people? Peter had already figured out how to enhance his webs using his plasma. With that in mind, they stayed up all night creating a formula that would adhere to wounds and spent the next few weeks perfecting it. They weren’t positive how effective it would be on a fatal wound, but now he knew. _You saved me, kid,_ he wanted to tell him. “You- You can’t. I mean, you can _try_ , but… The-” his voice broke. _Shit._ He was _Tony Stark_ . And he was about to start bawling on some teenage girl’s lab table in Wakanda. “The serum uses properties I’ve only ever found in one person’s blood,” he said slowly, his voice shaky and his breath ragged. “Now, he- he’s gone. Shit. _Shit,_ he- he saved me, and I- I couldn’t-”

“No one could,” she reminded him. Her voice lowered into a whisper. “No one could have saved them.” Suddenly, he understood why she was so sure that she could fix Vision. Because he had a body. He had metal and wires and vibranium and things she could understand. But the rest of them… they were nothing more than dust in the wind. No one could do anything about that.

“Who else?” He remembered a group greeted him, he remembered Cap, but in the aftermath of his injury-and-adrenaline-induced haze, he couldn’t find any of their other faces.

She exhaled slowly and started listing them as if off of a piece of paper. “371 Wakandan warriors. Sam Wilson.” She glanced at Vision. “Wanda Maximoff. A tree-alien called Groot.” She swallowed and paused for a moment. “James Buchanan Barnes. T- T-”

“T’Challa.” It came out more as a realization than a continuation of her statement.

She nodded. “And my mother.” Tears coated her voice. Suddenly, Tony understood. He hadn’t been able to make the connection out on the field through his clouds of pain and grief, but that’s why she was the one to greet him and Nebula. That’s why it sounded like she was reading from a piece of paper: because she probably was reciting a list she’d memorized for a press conference she’d be forced to attend.

“I’m sorry,” he said quietly. Because what else was there to say? She’d lost everything, just like that raccoon-person. He couldn’t help but feel a bit guilty for crying on her lab table, even if logically he understood that emotional anguish wasn’t a competition.

“Ah, it’s whatever,” she evaded. He could see she was biting her cheek to keep from breaking down. He wanted to ask what it was with kids these days burying their emotions (he’d seen it enough on Peter), but he knew full well that there was an alternate universe out there where he walked off that spaceship, someone asked him if he was okay, and then he told them he was fine before promptly falling and dying at their feet.

“Don’t do that,” he told her, then he started over, worrying it came out more as a scold, “I, uh… I mean, I was five years older than you and never had a great relationship with my parents, but when they died, I had to take over Stark Industries, and I- I understand what you’re going through, kid. But I just pushed everything I was feeling away. I locked it in some box and pretended it wasn’t there, and I’m afraid a lot of people got hurt because of that. I’m afraid a lot of people _died_ because of that. You’ve got a brilliant mind, kid. I’ve seen some of your tech. You can do incredible things. You _will_ do incredible things. You just need to keep your head on straight. And that involves, you know… _Feeling._ Feelings.”

She nodded for a few moments, not looking at him. “Right, well, um, I- I’m finished here so just… Try not to move too much while it’s healing. I’ll be back in an hour to check on it. Don’t do something dumb like try to stand up.”

With that, she retreated out of the room. “Hey, wait!” he called, but she ignored him. _Good pep talk, Tony. You made the kid cry._

He fiddled with the tech device on his wrist. It took him a couple of tries to login remotely to his Stark Industries accounts. Once he got it up, he opened his contact list. There were a flood of messages and calls from Pepper, but the latest was from a couple hours ago and it read “about to take off,” so he assumed she was out of reach while she was 30,000 feet over the Atlantic. There were a couple of other people he still needed to call, though.

First, he queued up May Parker. He hit the call button, and it went to voicemail. She was probably gone, too, then.

He pulled up Ned Leeds next. He went to hit the call button, before remembering what Peter always joked about: no teenager would ever pick up an unknown number; it was hard enough to get them to answer their family’s phone calls. He sent him a text message first. _It’s Tony Stark. I need to talk to you about Peter._ His fingers felt numb as he punched out the letters. Seeing them written there made it feel so much more real. With that, he called Ned Leeds.

He picked up on the second ring. “H- Hello?”

Tony could hear the fear creeping into Ned’s voice. He wished he could give him good news. “Hey, Ned.”

“H- Hi, Mr. Stark.”

“I-”

“Is he-” Ned’s voice broke off.

“Yeah.” Tony let out a ragged breath. “H- he’s gone, kid. I’m sorry.”

“Oh god. Oh my god. Oh- oh shit. Oh my-” Tony could hear the boy’s breaths quicken. “MJ- She just- Just right in front of me- Just- Just _gone_ \- And I- I couldn’t- And I just kept _waiting-”_

“I know. I _know_.”

“ _They’re gone._ ” His voice was a pained whisper.

“I know. I’m sorry.” He didn’t know what else to say. Again.

“How?” Ned demanded.

Tony sighed. “Same as half the planet.”

Silence stretched out on the other side of the line, and Tony wondered for a second if Ned was still there. When he finally spoke, his voice was hoarse. “Pardon my French, Mr. Stark, but that’s so fucking dumb.”

“It is.” He waited a moment. “Have you heard from May?”

“Yeah, I- You haven’t called her?”

“I tried. It went to voicemail. I was worried…”

“No, she’s okay. She- shit. _May_ \- She’s working, probably. The hospital’s a mess. Lots of car accidents and fires and little kids getting left behind. Not to mention half of their staff is gone. She’s gonna- she’s lost _everyone,_ Mr. Stark.” His voice cracked.

As if on cue, her contact popped up. “Yeah, she’s calling me back. I gotta-  I, uh, I’m really sorry, Ned. H- He loved you, you know?”

“I know.” His voice was quiet, and Tony wasn’t sure he did. He didn’t see the way Peter’s eyes lit up as he spoke about his best friend. He didn’t hear the way Peter talked about him. He wasn’t sure Ned understood _just how much_ Peter loved him, but this was hardly the place to talk about it.

“Hang in there, kid.” With that, he switched calls. “Hey, May.”

“Tony! Wh- Where is he?” He didn’t know how to tell her. “Tony!”

“He’s gone, May.”

“What happened?” she asked in a low voice.

“When Thanos wiped-”

“ _No._ Not how he _died,_ Tony. What _happened_ ,” she cried. “How did my boy end up in _outer space_?”

Tony paused for a moment. “We were trying to save a wizard,” he started. “When the wizard got kidnapped by the aliens, he followed. I tried to send him back, but he came anyways. I- He said he thought it through, May. He said that- that he couldn’t be a friendly neighborhood Spider-man if there was no neighborhood.” He finished explaining to her what happened, leaving out the part where he begged for his life as he died. That would be Tony’s personal burden.

“Okay. Uh, thank you. For calling.” Her voice was stifled, like she was trying to hold back sobs. “I- I have to go.”

“May, if you need anything-”

“I know.” With that, the call ended. He knew he should physically check up on her once he got back to New York. If this took a while, maybe he’d send someone, but he’d rather do it himself.

“Tony!” he heard from behind him. His heart fluttered like he was lovesick teenager. Usually he kept his emotions in better check, but he was so tired and angry and _heartbroken_ that he didn’t care anymore.

“Pepper,” he exhaled.

She rested a hand on his chest and her other cupped his face. “You’re okay,” she whispered. She looked about ready to cry. He wondered what the infliction of the rapture looked like from Earth.

“I-” he started, but he couldn’t finish. He wasn’t okay. He wasn’t. “It’s good to see you,” he settled for. He felt himself shutting down again, because the alternative was completely losing his shit.

“That’s all you have to say to me? After- After you just-”

“I know.”

“This has to stop.”

“I can’t.”

“I know.” She pulled her hands back and dragged a stool over to his side. “You wouldn’t be the man I fell in love with if you didn’t go running into no man’s land every time the universe is in danger,” she confessed. “But, Tony, you can’t- you _can’t_ stand there and talk to me about getting _married_ and starting a _family_ when a minute later you’re flying into space to go hand-to-hand with a genocidal alien. It’s not fair.”

“I know.”

“Please-”

“He died,” he blurted.

Pepper froze. “Wha- Who?”

“Pe- Peter.” His voice was a low whisper. He couldn’t her in the eyes. It was too personal, even with her. “H- He was there, in my arms, and then he… wasn’t. Like he was never there in the first place.”

She cupped his head in her hands and did her best to embrace him without aggravating his injury. “ _Tony_ ,” she whispered.

“I- I can’t stop now. There has to be a way to defeat Thanos, Pepper. And I’m going to do it.”

She sighed. “Okay.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know this had like no?? plot movement whatsoever, just angst. i think if the next chapter goes how i want it to, it'll be kinda fun :) it mayy.. or may not.... be in the perspective of a certain tree-like alien???? ;) 
> 
> Anyways I've planned out 14 chapters for this. We'll see how it goes because I move in a month and I won't be settled in one place again until mid-September. Also Ramadan just started which is either gonna be really great or really horrible for my productivity. 
> 
> As always, leave me some validation in the form of comments or kudos, and find me on tumblr @bigertyorkes :)


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